Dear fellow males:

I can say with some authority that you think you've got a fairly reasonable idea of what women find sexy in a man.

I can make this statement because:

• If you're young, then you know everything
   
• If you're middle-aged, then you've reached the prime of your life and now you know everything
   
• If you're elderly, you have the massive wisdom acquired over a lifetime and now you finally know everything

But still, you might wonder, deep down in your heart, if you really know what women find sexy in a man.

Well, I have some very good news for you.

After this article, you will wonder no more.
 

 
I was around 30, working in the mail room for a retail clothing outlet like Nordstrom's.  I ran the big machine that crammed the monthly statements and advertising 'inserts' into the envelopes and sent them out.

Being the ripe old age of 30, I had become aware of something strange when it came to figuring out these "female" things and what they found sexy in a guy.  The magazine and TV ads led me to believe it was a handsome face, a beautiful tanned body, a knowing look, maybe that intangible something, all of which added up to what a woman would view as 'sexy'.

In other words, just like us guys.  Hot babe, bountiful bod, knowing look — that's the formula.

But I had the feeling something wasn't right with this scenario.  The little clues I saw adding up around me as I coursed into adulthood didn't seem to support the "hot bod, knowing look" theory.

Then, one fateful day, I tested it.
 

 
It was a particular Calvin Klein advertising insert that caught my eye.  I realized that this might be the key to unraveling the secret.  I brought it home with me.

That weekend, my roommate's girlfriend came over.  She was a smart, nice-looking woman of about 30.  If there was ever an 'average woman', it was her.

I first said 'hi' and exchanged a few pleasantries, then ambled back to my room.  I dug up the advertising insert.

I walked back into the living room and, without any preamble, merely handed it to her.

It was so sexy she physically gasped.

She really did.  She was so struck by the photo that she involuntarily did an intake of breath.  Much the same way a sudden pic of a hot, busty babe might evoke an involuntary "Wow!" out of you or me.

But for a female to physically gasp?

Yes, the picture was that sexy.
 

 
Now, as a small experiment, I want you to picture the least sexiest picture of a female that you can imagine.  A few things are probably universal:

• No sexy face, no knowing look, no sultry bedroom eyes
   
• No erogenous zones showing.  Just a bare midriff, which is about as sexy as a left elbow
   
• No lacy underthings, no negligees, no thong bikinis.  Just the top few inches of some jeans showing at the bottom of the pic.  The top button of the jeans is alluringly unbuttoned.  Wow.
   
• And, as if all that wasn't unsexy enough, make the whole thing black & white.

So, got a mental image?  No sexy parts, no knowing look, and, just to make sure whatever skin is showing is as unpalatable as possible, put the picture in black & white.

You know, something like this:

That's almost exactly what my roommate's girlfriend saw.

The one where she gasped.

At least, that's as close as I can get after spending an hour on Google Images searching for things like "rippling abs".

The ad I handed her was for Calvin Klein Blue Jeans.  All exposed 2" of them.

Unbuttoned top button and all.
 

So, remember this the next time you even consider the notion that you might have the tiniest inkling of what women find sexy in a man.

As the above picture adequately demonstrates, you don't have a friggin' clue.

You never have, and you never will.

So quit trying to figure it out.  Just put in the same category as "What lies beyond outer space?", and other questions you'll never have the answer to.  If you want to dress up like the 'sexy' guys in the ads, thinking that'll make you sexy to the ladies, you'll know in your heart that you're only deceiving yourself.  They might pretend you're sexy, but one glance at the above pic reveals the truth.

It's all about potential, illusion and anticipation.  The strong jaw, steely eyes and knowing look is just the icing.  It's not the core.

You will never understand it, and you shouldn't even try.

Never ponder it again.

Go!

You are free.